Cat World Domination Day: Servants Prepare Yourselves

Cat World Domination Day

 

June 24th is Cat World Domination Day. I’m pretty sure this was something started by cats to convince us that they have not, in fact, already taken over the planet. This is just their way of making us say, “OH, look at the cute kitty. Isn’t it sweet when they think they are big and bossy” when in fact they have been manipulating us for years? Let’s face it; cats have been in charge since the moment they first wandered into some quasi-caveman’s camp and stood next to the fire, demanding leftovers.

 

A recent study on cat DNA has evidence that cats were never domesticated by humans. It turns out that cats domesticated themselves. Imagine that- cats deciding what they will do and making us think it was our idea. Sound familiar? Anyone who has spent any time around cats could have told you this. It all starts when they are little, with those tiny little faces and big eyes. Their soft fur makes them cuddly, and their purr is mesmerizing. Everything about them makes us want to hold them and pet them and love them and feed them and OUCH- they bite your toes. They attack your feet under the covers. They hide under the couch and assault your ankles. God help you if you wake in the middle of the night and find them sitting on your chest, watching your eyelashes flutter. But no matter how many sneak attacks they launch we always take them right back.

Cat World Domination Day:  It’s all part of their master plan.

Dogs are domesticated. We did that. We took wolves and turned them into poodles and Shih-Tzu.

Dogs will do anything you ask, even something stupid, and worship you for asking. Dogs will love you even when you are a jerk. Cats? Be a jerk around a cat, and he will show you his butt, knock everything off your bedside table, drink out of your cup, and leave a hairball in your shoe. He will do that even if you aren’t a jerk. Cats will do that just because they can. And you know what? You won’t get mad. Not really. You may grumble and gripe, but you don’t get mad. Know why? Because deep down you wish you could do that. You wish you could go through life doing exactly what you want, saying exactly what you think, and not give two hoots about what other people may say. You don’t get mad at the cat because you wish you were the cat.

Let’s face it, who or what else could do the things a cat does and get away with it? If the dog pooped in the house in the same spot every day, you would go crazy, running him to the backyard, screaming the entire time. We not only want the cat to poop in the same spot in the house, but we also give them a special box in which to do so. We clean it out daily or face the Wrath of Cat. We can’t even go to the bathroom ourselves without supervision. Thank goodness they even let us go in the house!

We open the door when the want out, and then in, and then out, and then in, and then out. We stand there with the door open, telling them we are not going to stand there with the door open while they decide what they want to do. We praise them for bringing us dead things when all they are doing is feeling sorry for us because we are such lousy hunters. To be perfectly honest, I think cats barely tolerate us. If they had opposable thumbs, they wouldn’t need us at all. In fact, it has just occurred to me that we are to cats as dogs are to humans: an entertaining diversion who loves unconditionally.

I plan on spending June 24th, Cat World Domination Day, doing what I do most every other day of the year, which is being the loyal subservient human to my many cat overlords. Being a minion isn’t so bad. Sure, the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and the work is never ending. But still, it beats pooping in the back yard.

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